Wednesday, April 24, 2019

What is the point of voting?

We voted for the ability too burn leaves in the city... and it passed.

Then the City Council, Mayor or whomever was responsible said, "No, you can't do that. It's too dangerous." 

Why was it on the ballot then a few years ago? Shouldn't our vote count for something? We the People, and all that. Isn't the voice of the people what really counts in America?

Now we vote in a new Mayor by a literal landslide and the City Council is there again voicing their opinions that he is not qualified due to a technicality. They want to assign their own flunkie to be in power until 2021. Really?

What is the point of voting if the City Council can do whatever the heck they want to do after the fact?

Ramey has been supposedly resigning since 2017 and Ashby is out in August. Jones doesn't want to be interim . Looks like the classic rats fleeing a sinking ship. And if that is the case, what was the point of this whole charade?


You let them get away with overturning the burning leaves issue, they go for bigger things and take the Mayor-elect out of the picture. What is next? Where will this madness end?

Tuesday, January 08, 2019

The Life Decluttering Begins...

My 2019 word of the year is FOCUS and my theme is the YEAR OF WOW! 

Here is what I want to succeed at in 2019:

I want a joyful job that delights and fulfills me and allows me to make a great income while still keeping my stress level low and my happiness quotient high.
I want to be able to sing with joy and project how great it is to love my Lord to everyone that hears me.
I want to feel like I am doing a great job and know I am succeeding at maintaining my parent’s health and keeping them happy and worry-free in their later years.
I want to maintain a balance between my hobbies and not obsess over one craft or another
I want 2019 to be the year I declutter everything that is not serving me in life and then organize everything else in a way that supports my new healthy, happy lifestyle.
I want 2019 to be the year I focus on me and my own health. I want to exercise more and feel better in my own skin.


If I want to live up to these things I am prescribing for myself at the beginning of the year, I have a lot of decluttering to do in my life. Currently, I am not succeeding at any of the above bullet points. I am not happy. I am overwhelmed. I am tired. And I really have no patience for most things that are stressors in my life. And that has to change.

My backstory...

I am currently trying to take better care of my parents... I am watching out for their needs, cooking most days and doing a lot of things I haven’t done before. This weighs heavy on my mind… especially this past year when many things came to a head late in October. My mom went into the hospital for a week (ICU for three days) with low oxygen levels. I am learning all about how to deal with the equipment for oxygen management and how to maintain all the various things that have invaded our house due to this new diagnosis. This also includes making sure Mom keeps the oxygen hose on her nose, has the unit turned on and has adequate water to keep her airways hydrated.

The overwhelm continues with my job which seems to get more stressful as time goes on. And that may be due to inadequate staffing as well as my ability to deal with BS the newspaper industry offers. My ability to handle BS has nearly reached its limit, I’m afraid, but I must soldier on. I know a lot of that is my own mental health issues and ability to handle stress. I am dealing with that by taking my evening hours to craft, cross stitch and crochet.

This leads me to my involvement with the worship team at church. I have not been happy there for a long time. And I have been thinking about quitting even before we got our current director. I do my best to deal with a leader who seems to try and verbally knock me down whenever he gets the chance and I have tried to learn how to deal with him, but he is a very closed off individual and I feel, not open emotionally at all to most people. This is my own opinion and experience and maybe not an opinion held by others but I haven’t done a poll.

I try my best to follow the lead the director takes each week but he is very inconsistent with singing songs the same way from one time to the next. I try to roll with the punches and yet stand up for myself and my co-singers when he tries to bully us into submission on how he wants to sing a song. 

At a recent worship team meeting, there was mention of how we all didn’t follow the lead of the director and sing a specific part the way he did. Even if we point out that we didn't learn it that way, we still do it like he wants. So I am not sure why it keeps getting pointed out to us that we need to submit to how he does things. Currently we practice a song once. And if we don’t get it perfect I feel we are looked down upon... Even though we probably haven’t sang that particular song in five weeks or more. 

I do my best every week. I try and roll with the punches but singing on the team does not make me happy. I do not feel joy when I do it. All I feel is the massive stress and assumptions of everyone as to why I am not doing better, singing better or being better.  I really don’t feel appreciated for my contribution; even when I try my best, I am found lacking, I struggle just like everyone else. Life happens and I don’t have time to practice, have an off note or whatever. But I feel like the hammer comes down on me when I am less than stellar even when others are constantly off key and get no corrective notes.

I am not sure what to do at this point. Where does the rubber meet the road and when will my patience run out completely. Only time will tell. I just know that I want to live a more happy life and live that life on purpose. And this is telling me that a happy life for me does not include the worship team.

So, where do I go from here?

The life decluttering begins. 

I will work on me and my 2019 aims bulleted above. I want to strive to be more happy and fulfilled in all I do and if I cannot find that feeling, remove that thing from my life until I can find a way to make it delight me in the future.

It is all a process. We stumble, we fall and we pick ourselves up again.

I pray 2019 is the year that I can take back my life and live it to its fullest. I hope you can too.


Blessings.

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

2019 Goals, Resolutions and Word of the Year


2019 is about to roll around and that means, yep, the dreaded ole RESOLUTIONS. I like to think of them as goals. What are your goals for 2019. What do you want to accomplish this year?

For me 2019 is THE YEAR OF WOW! (Work on WIPS - works in progress). That means for me to not only finish as many of my ongoing cross stitch projects I have going but also crochet projects I want to tackle too. 

The last few years I have been slacking on my reading and I want to make 2019 the year I read more books than I ever have before. I have a #readingchallenge goal to finish the 70-80 books piled up in my room. But the ultimate goal would be to surpass the 153 books I read in 2015.

And to do all this I need... FOCUS! Not only focus but BALANCE & MODERATION. 

I don't want to make it a year of only cross stitch projects because I am more than that. I like to do so many things and I want to dive deep into all of them this year. 

That includes fiction writing. Back in the day I was really into writing and I let that fall by the wayside... as I have many of my hobbies like watercolor and drawing.

I have been encouraged by many over the years to make my The Legacy original fiction into a book. And I think this is the year I will begin plotting a real story arc that makes sense and really fits into the 21st century.

I have a lot of "wants to do" in 2019 and I know sometimes it can all seem impossible but it's all about DREAMING BIG and learning to fall forward and let life catch you and surprise you about what you can indeed accomplish.


I hope  you all choose a word for 2019 and let that guide you to create goals for yourself. I hope 2019 is a great YEAR OF WOW for you too!

Friday, June 29, 2018

Unexpected Blackout


Unexpected Blackout
You don’t realize how much you rely on power until it is gone

The lights went out last night.

There was a pretty bad storm. The wind blew hard and we heard from the news prior to the blackout that there were possible tornadoes in the area. Scary stuff. Oddly enough this was the day my brother-in-law wanted to stop by and see mom and dad. Not really the best day to visit, as it turned out.

You don’t realize all the things that use power until it is gone.

No television, internet or wifi or information in general to keep us updated on the storm.

No air conditioning on one of the hottest days of the year. (It was pretty humid too. Not good for parents with COPD)

No telephones (at least of the wireless kind) Only the landline worked. And I just snagged the phone number of my brother-in-law with the last bit of juice in one phone with Caller ID. Without power to the base unit, the phones were useless. 

The radio was of no help either since it was basically canned music with no staff on site. (Both local radio stations) No live minute to minute updates on the progress of the storm or how soon we might get our power back.

None of us have what I would deem a “real” smart phone. So using that for info was out too.

It was all just a little frustrating.

We spent our evening out on the porch watching moths commit harry-carry by dive-bombing our candles. The only sound on the block was the drone of a very loud generator belonging to one of our neighbors. I went to bed early but had a hard time getting to sleep. Too much on my mind apparently. But rest did come.

Needless to say, there is not a lot you can do without power. It makes the night seem very long. People with insomnia have an even tougher time dealing with things. Too much time to think about things and not a lot to do to occupy your time.


So, I say all this to say that we are really thankful for the power we do have every day. It makes all our lives easier. And to all the crews who spent their evening braving the storm and getting our power back by 5:15 am THANK YOU!

Friday, December 29, 2017

When things go awry on a holiday ...


I guess I should be happy as we move into a new year… but I’m not.

I have been disillusioned in regards to my relatives. I usually try to give them the benefit of the doubt. People say I should be nicer. I should overlook their imperfections …and then when things go missing, I should go and buy new ones. I have too much anyway and I should share the wealth. 

I am done with that line of thinking. The people who tout the “Be nice. You have more than you need. You need to give to others.” mantra are usually the ones who sneak in when no one is looking and suck you dry of whatever is on their radar that day. 

But there comes a point where it is no longer giving. It becomes taking, and taking and taking again… without permission. In the real world we call that stealing. Kids should be made to realize that you don’t steal from people no matter if you think they have more than they need; and you need that thing they have so why not take it. No one is looking. No one will know. 

But we do know and we feel icky as we realize we are related to a thief and wonder if this person will walk the path of the good or the path of evil. Now is the time in their lives when it is when they decide if they will be a good person or a bad person.

I, for one, hope they pick the right path. Because what they may find down the other road may be more than they bargained for.


I guess I should pray for them. It is the right thing to do. And I will pray for me too that I have a grateful heart for all the blessings I do have. I thank God for that.

Friday, December 22, 2017

December WIPS (works in progress)

December WIPS

I have been in a really weird mood this December and have not stitched on anything very Christmas-like. I did pick up Star of Magi ornament from Tempting Tangles in an older Just Cross Stitch ornament magazine. All those specialty stitches are giving me fits.

Star of Magi by Tempting Tangles


I am a littler farther than this picture shows but I wanted to show you what the piece looked like.

The next piece is quite a different piece for a December WIP:


Plague Doctor by BuzzBeeDesigns on Etsy

There is a SAL group (stitch-along) on Facebook if you want to join in on stitching this design.
Here is the link to the group if you want to join in: https://www.facebook.com/groups/117127498953109/

The other WIP I have been working on is quite an inspiring one…



Power of Love by Stoney Creek

I worked on this most of November because I just needed something easy to do. But that box at the bottom was just too confetti heavy for me. There are three more of those little flowers at the top and I am not doing that. I will replace it with some more of these leaves and vines.


Coffee Quaker by Heartstring Samplry

I have enjoyed working on this. I think I only switched out because I needed something to work on. But this is a great pattern. Check it out if you want to do something on the easy side.


It is all about the finish..

I did have a finish in December.

Cobbblestone Crossing by Stone Street Stitchworks on Etsy

This was a fun and relaxing stitch. It was a good in-between project. The fabric is a bit darker than it is showing here.




Another finish was Honolulu by Awesome Pattern Studio on Etsy


That is all for me on the WIP front thus far. I hope to post a lot more in 2018 of my WIP progress.

Have a good one.

Toni Walker
Creative-You Cross Stitch & Crochet

Check me out on IG: tonispywriter


Year of WIPS 2018 - WIP-Apocalypse

Year of WIPS 2018 - WIP-Apocalypse


I am really in the head-space of getting my over 35 WIPs (works in progress) into the FO (finished objects) pile. I do have these bouts of wanting to start all the things. And that is quickly followed by the “I need to get all the things I have done first.”

Last year at the beginning of the year, I was all into wanting to make 2017 the year of the full coverage piece. Obviously, that didn’t pan out. I am not a confetti stitcher. In 2014 (back when I had only 3 WIPS) a small 100x100 full coverage piece called River Road Doorway by Ursula Michael had me all tied up into knots. So, I am not certain how I ever thought I would be a successful full coverage stitcher.

I do tend to gravitate to pieces that are about medium in size and that would fill a 15x18 piece of 14 count Aida. When I did the Pretty Little London city by Satsuma Street, that took me an entire month. If I go by that guide, I should probably only be stitching about 12 pieces a year. But in 2017 I had a record 29 finishes! I even finished a few long time projects like Daisy pixie by Nora Corbett and Daisy Just a Chart by Janlynn (a full coverage piece). 

I had a lot of cross stitch wins this last year. But this has also be a trying year for me too professionally. The last four months has been the most difficult. I am just all kinds of exhausted. I think I need a month off to recover.

I work at a daily newspaper, we own a number of newspapers in one corporation of which we are responsible for the production of most of the ads, special sections, tabs, booklets (our own and some storage unit booklets we subcontract for). The last four years have seen a lot of turnover in our department. Plus we upgraded our systems twice in that time. One was a transition from QuarkXpress to InDesign that made us delve into learning an entirely new system.

During this time I have practically abandoned my reading time and dove straight into my cross-stitching to relieve my stress and get my mind off of everything work related. I am just overwhelmed and weary.

So, yeah this year I will focus on my WIPs and try to complete them. I pulled out a list of my top 19 projects I want to try and complete in 2018. Wish me luck. See the list above for what I am working on. 

Hope you have a great 2018 stitching season.

Check me out on IG: tonispywriter

Toni Walker
Creative-You Cross-Stitch and Crochet


What I am all into

Do you ever look at your stash and suddenly want to stitch all the things? ME TOO!

I was looking, as I said, in my cross stitch pattern/magazine stash and came up with a few I just had to start. 


This is He Is Risen by Little House Needleworks. 
It is in the March/April 2010 Just Cross Stitch Magazine. 



This is Winter Quilts by Ursula Michael
in the January 2006 Stitcher's World Magazine.



Whoops! It is sideways.
Old World Santa by Carol Emmer. It is in the July 2005 Stitcher's World.

The last few days I have just been wanting to stitch so much "stuff" but in reality, I haven't had a ton of time to stitch due to overwhelming times at work. But I cherish the times I do have.

BB Glasses (Before the Bifocals)
Another thing I am all into is wearing by before the bifocals glasses. In 2012 I had to get bifocals. And it hasn't been an easy road. But I discovered it is much easier to read my patterns with my old glasses. I call them my BB glasses (before bifocal).

That is all for now. 

Thanks for checking out my blog

Toni Walker
Creative-You Cross Stitch & Crochet

Follow me in IG: Tonispywriter 

Friday, June 30, 2017

TAG: 20 Random Things About Me

20 Random Things About Me


1. I am a graphic artist at a daily newspaper. I design ads and send down plates to the printer.

2. I have worked at a newspaper for most of my career. First I was the news and feature editor at my high school newspaper called The Sphinx. I worked for thirteen years at the Riverfront Times in St. Louis, MO. And I have just passed thirteen years at my hometown newspaper where I currently work (for the second time) called the Morning Sentinel.

3. I designed a logo for a soap opera star’s personal business.

4. I used to be called the grandmother of Mike and Carrie Days of Our Lives fan fiction. My screen name back then was Bradygirl. I wrote a lot of fan fiction.

5. Writing fan fiction got me confident enough to write my own story. I spun off my original characters into a series I called The Legacy. Me and another lady (screen name Spirit) each wrote our own stories under The Legacy banner. I wrote a story called Bulgarian Underground and she wrote one named Message from Paris. I have spun off a number of stories from my original character base. Most of my stories are on their own blogs currently.

6 The stories I write are about spies which is why my screen name now is tonispywriter.

7. I write reviews for books through NetGalley. They are mostly for cozy mysteries.

8. I only began writing after I allowed myself to do it badly. I told myself that if it was bad, no one would see it but me. And that opened me up to allowing my muse to flow.

9. My town has an annual Balloon Fest and one year I designed the logo for it.

10. I learned to read tarot from watching YouTube videos. 

11. I had a lot of videos on my YouTube channel.  Now I just post a random video about my cross stitching.

12. I sing in my church’s worship team. I am an alto and sing most of the time in harmony to the other singers. I have been in some sort of choir since I was in 6th grade when my music teacher said I wasn’t good enough or didn’t have a strong enough voice to be in the choir, My asthma held me back then but it doesn’t hold me back now. No excuses for doing what you love. Don’t let someone tell you that you can’t do something.

13. I have been cross stitching since I was in grade school when I did a kit that pictured a mouse on a candy cane. I have been hooked ever since.

14. I have known how to crochet for a long time but only rediscovered it recently.

15. I am a bit OCD and when I get interested in something I go all out. I have all kinds of stash from all my interests over the years. A few years ago I donated two truck loads of books to my local used bookstore.

16. MacGyver is my hero. He makes you take what you have and use it in unique ways. And that is a theory that has really helped shape my life.

17. I have been a planner addict in the past even though I don’t have a ton to schedule I think I like the paper crafting part of it most. Stickers makes planning fun.

18. We had to submit a portfolio to get into my graphic design program in college. I barely scraped though by the skin of my teeth. Then I got the award for most improved after my first year.

19. My first real big job in a newspaper was in the mailroom. I stuffed Parade magazines into the Sunday paper.  When they discovered that I could do layout since I did it in high school, I moved up to “paste up”. That was back in the day of line tape and wax. Today we do things so much differently than we did back then.

20. My first job was at Pizza Hut. I quit after four months when I got a job at my local movie theatre.

21. I have been in musical theatre for most of my high school years. I acted and sang in ten musicals/plays in 3 years.


22. My dance parter in show choir in high school is now a Tony-nominated Lyricist  and probably one of the most creative people I know.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Pop up SAL - Squirrel!

Here is as far as I got on this tonight. A bit more on the second bunny's white fur


Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Pop Up WIP - Winnie The Pooh

Here is my progress for this one day pop up WIP. 

Before 


After


Not too much done. But as the saying goes every stitch is one stitch closer to a finish. 

Have a great one. 

Toni


Saturday, January 14, 2017

Current WIPS - Lots going on

Here are the projects I have been working on so far this year. 

Rocking Horse Merry Christmas
1997 Leisure Arts Magazine


This one is finished. Yay.  First finish of 2017. 

Next up is my offering for the January Challenge in StitchWhat's from the Facebook group, Cross Stitch It's Fun.  

Autumn in Vermont
Kustom Krafts


Making some good progress so far. 

Then the other day I felt the need to start a new full coverage piece. This is going to be the year of full coverage for me. 

Blue Dragon Fairy
Kustom Krafts


Last week I made some good progress on a new start during the first week of January. 

At The Beach
JanLynn kit


I also started Rabbits and Cabbages this year from a Bunnies Galore booklet. This is just a fun piece. There are a lot of patterns I want to do out of this booklet. 

Rabbits and Cabbages
Bunnies Galore Leisure Arts booklet



And that is about all for me thus far. I plan on starting some more new things like Espresso Yourself and Toronto city from Tiny Modernist, Pretty Little Toronto from Satsuma Street and Happy Halloween by Joan Elliott. 

Have a happy stitching day. 

Blessings.  


Sunday, December 11, 2016

Thursday, December 08, 2016

Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Watercolor Unicorn

Here is a cute unicorn. I haven't drawn a unicorn since 5th grade


Watercolor Gnome

Here is a gnome I watercolored. It made me wonder if the Santa Claus mythology came from gnomes. Mine has quite a resemblance to Jolly Ole St Nick. 


Watercolor Snowman

Watching some Christmas Advent drawings in watercolor and decided to create my own. 


Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Oh Me Of Little Faith

Oh Me Of Little Faith

by Susan Ashton, Margret Becker and Christine Dente

We are in a bit of a crisis at our church. Our worship leader left for another position at a different church and that leaves us with limited resources musically, but where we fail is in our faith. Many are falling apart in their worship life because they no longer feel fulfilled musically. We are limited in what we can do and so we have been doing basically the basics. Maybe that is our messages: we need to get back to the basics.

What is basic worship: (these are coming off the top of my head and may not be true basics)

A capella 

Hymns

Instrumentals

Feeling led to sing a particular song

Songs rooted in scripture


Our purpose is to glorify God and not ourselves. Do I want more contemporary worship? Of course. But is that what is best for our church? I don’t know. God seems to keep breaking it down so it makes me wonder.

Do I think we can do this? Maybe. I feel like the entire team is on this precarious edge of a cliff and we are threatening to tip over. If one more thing gets pushed out of place… all the structure will fall and we will be left with nothing.

And do we want that?

I don’t think so. I don’t.


I have been praying that we be led in the direction we need to go and things keep falling apart as a result. It seems a huge restructuring is in order. I wonder what will be left when all the pieces fall together.

Sunday, December 04, 2016

Catch a Snowflake SAL - complete

I had to do 250 stitches in a project with a snowflake. This is over 280 stitches on 18ct Aida